Catching Up...

I've forgotten about my journal over the last few days, mostly because I've still been stuck at home in major pain, missed work Monday and Today. I was in a lot of pain Saturday and Sunday while visiting with my friend and it is really draining to have to cancel plans because of being in pain. I am currently battling depression and am taking 40 mg of Celexa a day and 10mg Klonopin when I have panic or anxiety attacks, or when I just have really high anxiety.. which has been often with stressing over bills and debt because I've been out of work so much. My employer requested that I update my FMLA paperwork because I've gone over the frequency I listed on the initial paperwork and I'm really getting scared because my skin is getting worse and worse. My life has been turned inside out and I am finding it hard to keep up financially. Luckily I have the support of my fiance Ryan and I couldn't go through any of this without him by my side. I truly am blessed to have found the love of my life and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with him, but we've had to move our wedding date back, and have stopped planning as a result of our financial situation. I really want to move out of state, but first we need to try and get our debts taken care of and I really just don't see a light at the end of the tunnel. I have always had more sores under my left brest, but now it has spread to my right breast. I can no longer wear bras for a long period of time, and the entire time I am in excruciating pain and the flare ups worsen. I can't even count how many sores I have right now, and I am terrified to even try to count. Every time I shower I spend time draining some boils as well popping the zit like ones. Many are so deep I don't dare try and drain... but they continue to come back over and over and make it very difficult to sit even. I usually try and lean on one side or with a leg under so that no pressure is put on them.... this makes it so difficult to sit at work all day. I just want to have a few pain free days. I really need help.... I'm getting really discouraged. My fiance and I saw something about a Zinc supplement helping, but we'll see... I'm hoping for the best. We get paid tomorrow... I think I only worked one or two days of the pay period and he missed a few days being sick with an ulcer... and now I'm jut scared we won't have even a small Christmas. I just want to cry...